Void of words

It was a dark rainy Thursday morning, I was already looking forward to the weekend. It was the day before my wedding ceremony. I was going to marry the love of my life and I couldn’t wait any longer. The rain brought surreal memories because it reminded me of a devastating incident that happened to me 13 months ago.

‘Shikemi, you need to call Toba and ask him’. I mean, you can not continue to imagine that someone loves you just by his inaction! This guy hasn’t called you for over 3 weeks and you are here playing excuses in your head about him being busy?! – That is Nifemi, raining down bitter truth up on me.

Toba and I had what some people call ‘off and on’ relationship. We shared a lot of good and bad times and I’m sure I lost count of every moment of joy and sadness. He is that kind of guy that will bring down Zeus whenever he has done wrong just to appease me. I think I liked that about him.

He will always apologize for things he did and didn’t do Lool. But, that was not enough to lay a good foundation for our ‘situationship’. Toba has had his fair share of heart break and couldn’t bring himself to commit to another one. Even though it was obvious that we loved each other.

Fast forward, we went our separate ways in a beautiful way. I remembered we both arrived with parting gift at our dinner table (I think that gave us a good closure). For once, we spoke about our relationship and we were able to analyse why we couldn’t get married. Our love was too shallow, we were very ok at a distance but when we are together, it was like we brought the distance into the room.

Our imagination of our expectation was what kept us for two years and not our actual feeling or emotions. We would have continued like that if something inside of me, propelled by Nifemi ( my reality button) was not triggered to ask.

In my opinion, I think we are sometimes clouded by our imagination to the extend that it blinds us physically. We probably continue in that fragmentation without realizing that time waits for absolutely no one.

Well, like I mentioned earlier, it’s the last day of me being titled ‘Miss’. Cheers to forever.

To be continued…

The Sun, it’s shine and the shadows

When your light comes on, keep it shining. Do not allow yourself to dim your light. I have come to realize that external circumstances try to compel us to remain in the shadows. Remember you did not turn that inner light of yours on by yourself. The universe has conspired to light you up and shine you must!

Shadows are self doubt, unbelief, fear, cage, bondage, limitation, despondency, shame, in fact shadow is like a city. Do not go there! There is a way that seems right unto us sometimes, that road can be likened to all these negative feelings that we harbor. The Bible expressly mentioned that the end of such path is destruction. So, if you dwell in your shadows, you ultimately click the self-destruct button.

Now, shadows is not the same as a reflective period. Some people are in their reflective season and they end up entering into their shadows. A reflective season is that time of self-examination, mentorship, learning and unlearning, identifying weak spots and consciously addressing them. A reflective season is meant to charge you up for your light season. So do not confuse your season of correction to mean it’s a season where you have to hide.

My dear friend, I want to assure you that we are the light that need to keep shining and when dusk come, we can be at rest knowing that our Sun will come up again. So shine I must. Shine, you must.

Stones

Have you ever wondered how a collection of stones make up a rock? I was just thinking about it and it still marvels me.

I could remember when we were growing up, we used to play with stones. We gather about 5-6 tiny stones and throw them up to pick up another one and then throw it up again. I cant’t remember the title of that game. If you do remember, please mention in the comment section below. Growing up was actually fun. lol

Our fingers and hands get dirty but the lesson was that, we were practically learning the process of visual input to guide reaching out and grasping for things simultaneously. . In my opinion, a winner of that game has an understanding of eye-hand  coordination just by picking up stones, throwing it in the air, pick up another and collect the other one falling due to gravity. The use of that stone and our sensory organs (touch and sight)  determine the result of the game.

In reality, some people throw stones to hurt one another, while some other people gather stones to build up themselves. Some people discard stones while nature collects it to form a rock. Whichever way you look at it, it is serving a function: to build or to destroy. The focal point here is how are we using stones for our good?

Truthfully, we can liken stone to words or actions. The Bible expressly tells us  in the book of Psalm 118:22 and Jesus reminded us in Matthew 21:42 that the stones the builders rejected  became the chief corner stone. The amazing ending was were we were made to understand that it can only be God who can make that happen.

The stone of hurt you planted in another human heart can be redeemed by God. The stone of rejection can become acceptance. The stone of shame can lead to recognition.

Hence, the value of stone is in its use. How are you using your stones? Or are you a recipient of collecting hard knocks, stones being thrown at you and you don’t even know how to use it. Remember that, you don’t have to avoid stones being thrown at you, you can either collect it to build something useful, or collect it, to build your life.

In conclusion, do not avoid stones, they may hurt but they are serving a purpose. Collect them, make them work for your good and at the fullness of time,  the world will see you as a ‘Cornerstone’.

Buy Land

Often times, people ask us this nerve rattling question: What is your why? I can assure you that every time I was being asked that question, I had different answers but the summary still boils down to freedom. So, I asked myself, freedom from what exactly?!

When I was preparing to relocate to the United Kingdom to study Nursing, I remember my mum sat me down and began to advice me on what I should do once I begin to make money (lol) in a strange land. She was so insistent on me saving up money to come back to Nigeria to buy Land. Then, lands that were on sale were those in Ikorodu area of Lagos.

Most of my growing up years, I lived with my mum’s relatives and a few times my Dad’s. It was there I learnt interpersonal relationships, so I wasn’t used to having a proper home. Home to me then was my grandparents’ place in a remote area after Festac Town. If you ask me what was my definition of home. I would say anywhere  I am surrounded by my loved ones.

To me, home is not a location, it is my heart. Wherever I find happiness is home to me.

Upon reflection, I am sure my mum did not want me to grow up without owning something that I can call my own, to her it was investing in real estate. She meant very well and I’m grateful to God for my family.

On the other hand, real estate to me was for older adults, I was more inclined towards promoting my career by investing more in my education. Even when I had the money to spare, I didn’t (don’t be like me, God has been gracious ever since). I enrolled on training, short courses and write certification exams and the likes. For me, I  attaining the peak of career is very pivotal to my life success. Thankfully, I did and still not relenting. I believe, achieving success in one’s passionate field will motivate one to achieve more in any other field.

Today, I’m glad I followed my heart because it indirectly led me towards real estate eventually. That, is a story for another day.

So, ask yourself, what am I investing in, what story will I write about myself or what will be said of me. If someone ask you What is your Why, what will be your respoonse?

One of those days….

It was a bright sunny day in November 2012. I had just returned home from a night shift and I was so tired. I hurriedly had a warm shower and crawled in to bed. I did not even eat anything. Halfway through my sleep I heard my mum call out to me. She wanted me to go and pick my siblings from my Aunty Tinuke’s  (fictional name) house. I am sure you will pity me now. Considering I had just gotten back home from a night shift (why are moms like that) sigh* lol.

I reluctantly got out of bed, dressed up and waltz out of my room. I got to my aunt’s house with my face in my hands, like I’m not even smiling. Guess what the kids said, that they are not going home. That they want to spend more time with  their cousins (eyes rolling now).  Many thoughts ran through my mind and I settled for the easiest one. I went into one of the rooms and continued my beauty sleep…..

Faith or Fate

In my world of serenity and lonely pleasure. I feel so alone but not lonely. why? I embraced my loneliness and wrapped it around me  so tight it felt like a clingy lingerie that I could not do without.

In my pursuit of elated bliss I opted for the one thing that meant the most to me-  I felt in tune with my world, my personal definition of grace, my path to wholeness , my recognition of faith , my understanding of life, my relationship with the universe and its constituents, my belief, my believe.

All these towards a path of life. A path of self-searching , self-acceptance and self-actualization.  I reasoned within myself that if one part of me is lacking another part of me will complement for it. For instance,  if i’m not married then  I can be engaged in another fulfilling role that will give me more pleasure and a sense of fulfillment, or if I lack formal education I can work towards self-development which in itself is a  form of education. Moreover, there are many people on this earth who have not been in a classroom, however they possess qualities that can be learn in an educational facility. In short, achievements in life is based on perception, grace, and fortitude.

Is this faith or fate, is it my belief in the existence of  the most high God or is it the notion that people live in seasons in their lifetime. There is no need to doubt that the existence of a supreme being is a factor in life achievements.

First blog post

I had a dream. In that dream I was in an alley, surrounded by soldiers. On one side of the alley were soldiers in blue colored uniform, and on the other were soldiers in camouflage uniforms. They were warring against each other.

The alley was the only way to my house which was on the other side of the road. I had three options: to either join the blue team, the camouflage team or to just walk through like nothing is happening. From where I was standing, I could see the way they were killing each other and I couldn’t tell which team was winning. Maybe that would have justified which one I would join.

So, I joined the blue team and I started my journey to the other end of the alley dodging bullets, knives, fist fights. As I was about to get to the end of the alley, a member of the blue team just came towards me and said ‘I don’t know you! and guess what he did, he slit my throat, but my head was still held together by the skin at the back of my head.

I didn’t stop running, with my head dangling along I did not stop to check the state of my condition, my feet kept propelling me forward. Thankfully, I eventually got to the end of the alley.

As I stepped out, suddenly, my head was back in place, no traces of blood or any injury, people were going about their daily activities. It was as if that alley never existed, I walked home and hug my foster parents and I was glad I made it home alive.